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What the Hell happened to ME???

 

Where did I go???

Somewhere I got lost… The I that I was supposed to be, the I of my Youth… The I that the girl of my youth envisioned.

I was going places, I was going to be somebody, I was more than what the product of my youth made me…. I wasn’t like THEM…. My family, those outcasts from societies norms. THEY were the bane of MY existence. THEY were the dysfunctional ONES. I was NOTHING like THEM!

Yet………. Somehow I knew I was…. I hated that small part of myself that knew THEM personally. I was THEM… Their demons resided deep inside of me hungering to take over my soul, my life, my dreams, and especially my nightmares. I became addicted to THEM. THEY were my EVERY thought …. Until THEY somehow changed and evolved into I.

My Ego had no place else to go….There was no way out….So it decided to go inward…..Deep, very deep, down into the very pit of hell itself. I became the biggest, baddest, most vile Demon of them all….

Yet… I knew somehow I was NOT!!! I was the lost child… I was the SAVIOR!!! I was the one that could lead all of THEM out of HELL. A child shall lead them and that child was ME…

So that brings us to the beginning….

What the HELL happened to ME???

MY very 1st blog post… Well sort of..

This is the excerpt for your very first post.

This is MY very first post. I MAY modify or delete it, or even start a new post. I have no clear idea yet as to why I’ve started this post or even what I’m going to do with it… I may write about my life, I might write about others, I may dedicate it to crafting, romance, the supernatural, spiritualism, parenting, being a wife, mother, teacher, wise woman, crone… Well maybe not that last one… Unless you like the word and really know what it means, the word crone inspires all kinds of weird ideas, and not all of them really describe well, me…

I am what you would call Unique… if you didn’t know me and met me on the street I believe you would think it a totally unique experience. I like being me.. and I take pride in being MY~Self… I don’t like boxes… (or being put in them ) Unless they are the kind that come with gifts inside. ( and I’m OK with being the gift!!!)

Some people would judge that I came from a broken home… and that because of my child hood experiences that somehow I must be broken… So not true. I don’t need fixing… at least not that kind of fixing…

I’m not sure if it’s the Japanese or  the Chinese that take broken items and repair them with Gold solder… Whoever invented it, I am grateful… You inspired a piece of my inner self to look deeply for the little veins of gold and see myself as The Masterpiece I truly am..

So I will stomp my feet… Climb to the top of the highest hill ( I bet you thought I would say Mountain… Nope not that kind of climber…) anyway back to the top of that hill… And I would yell to the sky that “I’m Not Broken!!!”… and I would yell even for you, if you wanted me to… Because you see I KNOW that even though I don’t know anything about you, I KNOW without a doubt in my mind that you are not broken either… and if you think you are, than maybe you haven’t found the veins of gold that run deep in the cracks…

So I’m going to call it quits for now… Maybe I’ll have more to write later… Who knows? Maybe this is just the beginning of a beautiful relationship with the whole rest of humanity, or at least the part that chooses to read my posts…